Family....

When I think of family several words come to mind; respect, love, support, togetherness, loyalty, kindness, friendship and honesty. Certainly, I don't believe the people closest to us are perfect, but I do feel that if you are close to someone, there should be a certain level of security/comfort/love. However, as we look around us, how many of us can truly say we have all or most of the above in our family? As I grow and mature in my thinking, my perspective is changing and my definition of family and even friendship has shifted almost because I had no choice. Oftentimes I feel like our own views on family and friendship has caused many of us years of unnecessary pain. We look at our mothers, fathers, sisters, grandparents and other family members almost as deities that has an unlimited supply of endurance for drama! Too often, family members feel it's ok to take advantage of each other, saying anything that comes to mind...being demanding, disrespectful, dishonest, rude, crude and the list goes on.

I've always wondered what would happen if metaphorically speaking family was like your boss? Would you go in to work whenever you want? Tell your boss to shut up? disrespect? slam or take advantage of this person? If you did, what do you think would be the consequence? I would think that this kind of behavior would call for you being fired or at the very least be written up and given a strict warning. Why is it that some family and friends feel like it's ok to hurt the people close to them and conversely why is it that the recipient family member/friend feel like they should take it?

The answer basically is: YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE IT! Just like a boss can fire an employee, if someone close to you is treating you with impunity or being harmful in any way, you have a right to remove yourself from the person's presence! It is a known fact that the people closest to you tend to be the most hurtful because they usually know the most about you and what makes you tick. However, just because you are close to someone does not give them the right to use their knowledge about you....against you...it is NEVER ok to be hurtful. It's imperative that you COMMAND and GIVE respect to the people closest to you! I have seen and even experienced the blatant disrespect that can sometimes come from the people closest to you and it can be extremely painful and have a long lasting damaging effect.

It's time that people stand up and command respect from each other and it's time that people realize that they have control over their life! It's time for this negative cycle to stop. If you have someone in your life that is hurting you mentally, physically or emotionally, then it's time for you to see that person for who they are and move away from their negativity. It is a known fact that you teach people how to treat you! If you allow toxic waste to spill all over you and you don't take action, then after a while it's not the fault of the hurtful family or friends...it's YOUR fault! Be strong and protect your well being because at the end of the day, it's ALL you got!

Matthew 18:8 "If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; it is better for you to enter life crippled or lame, than to have two hands or two feet and be cast into the eternal fire.

Have a wonderful and blessed week!

Where is the Love?

When I was a child I was intimidated by men. Maybe it was partly due to the fact that I saw some of the women in my life cry many tears over broken relationships. It seemed as if men were able to easily walk away from their families and start a new one without flinching, leaving the woman high and dry. I feared being cheated on and I hated seeing the emotional upheaval that sometimes came along with relationships.

At one point I wondered if the negative issues I encountered in my life would mar my perception of men for the rest of my life. As I grew up and went through trials and tribulations with the male species, there was a short space in time when my hope for a lasting relationship was dashed, but it was very brief. I prayed to God and I was adamant in telling him that I knew he had someone special out there for me...I had faith! Then one sunny day in February of 1998 that hope was resurrected when I met HIM! We became friends and shared stories, then several months later we became boyfriend and girlfriend. Finally came that special day August 20, 1999 my life changed forever...HE ask me to marry him and for the first time ever I was very excited about my future because finally LOVE presented itself...not a bill payer, baller or high roller, but a real person to SHARE my life with.

Finally July 29, 2000 came and we stood before God, our family and friends and I said "I Do" to Lucien Anderson Humphreys. Now it's almost 9 years later and we are slowly and steadily building our life together. His love, affection and care has changed my perception of men but it's also partly due to the fact that I've realized life is 99% perception and 1% what you do! In addition, I've learned: selfishness has no place in a marriage: your issues grow larger when they are not dealt with and forgiveness is vital and it's always a gift to each other. The irony? The word perfect has no place in a marriage because people are not perfect so why would we expect a marriage to be that way? The best thing a couple can do is to surround themselves with supportive family and friends and enjoy the twist and turns of this mystery we call marriage. Moreover, "It takes a village to keep a marriage together!"

Oftentimes men and women these days sound as if they have lost hope especially where relationships are concerned. Love is slowly transitioning into a thief in the night, one that robs people of joy and happiness. Love has become the bad guy in the story who beats up people and leave them stripped of their emotional happiness. But as I reflect, I wonder, is it Love that's doing all of this or has the effects of avoidance, narcissism, anger, frustration and resentment overshadowed love and all the good things that are supposed to accompany it? Society is always over-analyzing and changing love, turning hopefuls away with their head cast down leaving them no hope for the future. Could it be that in this instant gratification world we live in, Love is fading because it takes too much patience and understanding? It is because Love is humble, not boastful and Love demands a certain amount of selflessness?

As a person who has seen and heard so much where relationships are concerned, I've always put my faith and best bet on love because its inside of us all and it's the one true thing that we are guaranteed if we allow it to manifest. At some point we have to decide whether we want to allow the love within us to be masked with the negativity that seems to overflow in our society today, or we can choose to protect this precious God given emotion with all our might.

Now...love comes at a price and it's called always maintaining respect, trust, honesty, faithfulness and caring. One things for sure, love isn't the enemy so I wish people would stop making it the "bad guy." Men have their ways and so do women, but the bottom line is we need each other.

Today take the time to appreciate the man and woman in your life. Look them in the eye and tell them you love them. If you are not good with words write it, let them know all the things that they do RIGHT, Kiss that person and make them feel like your life is complete with them in it.

Women, Sunday is Father's day, make the men in your life feel special....HAPPY FATHERS DAY!

One of my favorite quotes this week says it all: In those times we yearn to have more in our lives, we should dwell on the things we already have. In doing so, we will often find that our lives are already full to overflowing. ~Jim Stovall~

Be Blessed and have a wonderful week.

Answer Question - tell me the truth...

Truth is something that has two sides, it's factual and sincere, but many don't appreciate or like it. Truth causes anger, frustration, defense and even fights...how can something so good have the ability to make a person react in an angry way? In my own personal experience there was time when truth was a hard reality to face. However, as grow and learn, I've come to a place in my life where I appreciate truth more and more...I know it's cliche` but the truth will always set you free. I've actually learned more about myself in the past several years through truth and reality.

When someone gives you constructive criticism...how do you react? Many of us are unconscious of our actions or feel that we are absolve of wrong doing. However, when our loved ones tell us something that makes us take a good look at ourselves, why is it so unappreciated for some? Is it because of pride? It is embarrassment? Shame? I know what truth means to me, but what does truth mean to you? If someone saw you spiraling downward, should that person avoid saying anything? If you are behaving badly, should it be ignored? If you are coming off angry and snap at people, should it just be tolerated?

Please school me!