What are you thinking?

When you wake up in the morning are you thankful that you woke up? When you get dressed to leave the house for work, are you thankful that you have a job?  If not, how miserable it must be to wake up on any given day and not look forward to your day. I'm not saying that every day of our lives will be pure bliss, but I'm realizing that truly, we are Assistant directors of our destiny (God is the director) and the choices we make has a huge impact on our day. One of the great balancers of life is knowing that you have the choice to fix everyday trial and tribulations and turn them into something useful rather than allowing them to determine your mood.

I used to hate waking up at the crack of dawn and making the hour long commute to a 9-5 job. If mass transit was not working, it made the process even more mentally, emotionally and physically challenging.  Moreover, I hated having someone control my day, determining when I can go to lunch and when I can take a day off. However, at the time, to get me through, I had to reach down deep within my mind and find the temporary purpose of my job and that purpose was paying my bills and taking care of other financial obligations in my life. When I found that my need to be away from the job superceeded my mental ability to override the unhappiness, it was time to leave.

I find that our mental processing is vital in our daily survival. It is more harmful to your body and soul to be miserable and angry. It is a known fact that stress is one of the first degree murderers in our society. Stress will find a space within your body and attack, suddenly out of nowhere you may have a massive heart attack, cancer or some deadly disease. The good news is you have control over stress, anxiety, frustration and anger. A positive mindset among other healthy practices (ie, working out, eating healthy, taking vitamins) can be a great stabilizer in your overall well being.

Our minds are trainable to be positive just like it's trainable to be negative. Like anything else, they say it takes 20 days for something to become a habit...if that's the case, then how about training your mind to think positive. Decide that you WILL NOT sabotage yourself with negative comments (i'm fat, I'm not attractive, my thighs are too big) and replace it with something like "i'm beautiful and I love every inch of my body." Even if you don't believe initially, eventually, If you keep repeating this several times a day for 2 weeks, you will see an immediate change in the way you feel about your body.  Oddly enough, your body may thank you in ways that may surprise you! When we are happy, there are certain endorphins that our body releases that's not only healthy for our body, but it helps to keep us in a good mood.

In whatever you do, start each day with some positive affirmation about yourself or life. Take that affirmation with you throughout each day, week and year. When the negative messages invade your mind (and they will), push it aside and replace it with your affirmation, say it 10 times. This practice alone will start to make some really positive changes in your life and how you think and feel about yourself.

Peace, Love and Blessings.

Family....

When I think of family several words come to mind; respect, love, support, togetherness, loyalty, kindness, friendship and honesty. Certainly, I don't believe the people closest to us are perfect, but I do feel that if you are close to someone, there should be a certain level of security/comfort/love. However, as we look around us, how many of us can truly say we have all or most of the above in our family? As I grow and mature in my thinking, my perspective is changing and my definition of family and even friendship has shifted almost because I had no choice. Oftentimes I feel like our own views on family and friendship has caused many of us years of unnecessary pain. We look at our mothers, fathers, sisters, grandparents and other family members almost as deities that has an unlimited supply of endurance for drama! Too often, family members feel it's ok to take advantage of each other, saying anything that comes to mind...being demanding, disrespectful, dishonest, rude, crude and the list goes on.

I've always wondered what would happen if metaphorically speaking family was like your boss? Would you go in to work whenever you want? Tell your boss to shut up? disrespect? slam or take advantage of this person? If you did, what do you think would be the consequence? I would think that this kind of behavior would call for you being fired or at the very least be written up and given a strict warning. Why is it that some family and friends feel like it's ok to hurt the people close to them and conversely why is it that the recipient family member/friend feel like they should take it?

The answer basically is: YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE IT! Just like a boss can fire an employee, if someone close to you is treating you with impunity or being harmful in any way, you have a right to remove yourself from the person's presence! It is a known fact that the people closest to you tend to be the most hurtful because they usually know the most about you and what makes you tick. However, just because you are close to someone does not give them the right to use their knowledge about you....against you...it is NEVER ok to be hurtful. It's imperative that you COMMAND and GIVE respect to the people closest to you! I have seen and even experienced the blatant disrespect that can sometimes come from the people closest to you and it can be extremely painful and have a long lasting damaging effect.

It's time that people stand up and command respect from each other and it's time that people realize that they have control over their life! It's time for this negative cycle to stop. If you have someone in your life that is hurting you mentally, physically or emotionally, then it's time for you to see that person for who they are and move away from their negativity. It is a known fact that you teach people how to treat you! If you allow toxic waste to spill all over you and you don't take action, then after a while it's not the fault of the hurtful family or friends...it's YOUR fault! Be strong and protect your well being because at the end of the day, it's ALL you got!

Matthew 18:8 "If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; it is better for you to enter life crippled or lame, than to have two hands or two feet and be cast into the eternal fire.

Have a wonderful and blessed week!

Where is the Love?

When I was a child I was intimidated by men. Maybe it was partly due to the fact that I saw some of the women in my life cry many tears over broken relationships. It seemed as if men were able to easily walk away from their families and start a new one without flinching, leaving the woman high and dry. I feared being cheated on and I hated seeing the emotional upheaval that sometimes came along with relationships.

At one point I wondered if the negative issues I encountered in my life would mar my perception of men for the rest of my life. As I grew up and went through trials and tribulations with the male species, there was a short space in time when my hope for a lasting relationship was dashed, but it was very brief. I prayed to God and I was adamant in telling him that I knew he had someone special out there for me...I had faith! Then one sunny day in February of 1998 that hope was resurrected when I met HIM! We became friends and shared stories, then several months later we became boyfriend and girlfriend. Finally came that special day August 20, 1999 my life changed forever...HE ask me to marry him and for the first time ever I was very excited about my future because finally LOVE presented itself...not a bill payer, baller or high roller, but a real person to SHARE my life with.

Finally July 29, 2000 came and we stood before God, our family and friends and I said "I Do" to Lucien Anderson Humphreys. Now it's almost 9 years later and we are slowly and steadily building our life together. His love, affection and care has changed my perception of men but it's also partly due to the fact that I've realized life is 99% perception and 1% what you do! In addition, I've learned: selfishness has no place in a marriage: your issues grow larger when they are not dealt with and forgiveness is vital and it's always a gift to each other. The irony? The word perfect has no place in a marriage because people are not perfect so why would we expect a marriage to be that way? The best thing a couple can do is to surround themselves with supportive family and friends and enjoy the twist and turns of this mystery we call marriage. Moreover, "It takes a village to keep a marriage together!"

Oftentimes men and women these days sound as if they have lost hope especially where relationships are concerned. Love is slowly transitioning into a thief in the night, one that robs people of joy and happiness. Love has become the bad guy in the story who beats up people and leave them stripped of their emotional happiness. But as I reflect, I wonder, is it Love that's doing all of this or has the effects of avoidance, narcissism, anger, frustration and resentment overshadowed love and all the good things that are supposed to accompany it? Society is always over-analyzing and changing love, turning hopefuls away with their head cast down leaving them no hope for the future. Could it be that in this instant gratification world we live in, Love is fading because it takes too much patience and understanding? It is because Love is humble, not boastful and Love demands a certain amount of selflessness?

As a person who has seen and heard so much where relationships are concerned, I've always put my faith and best bet on love because its inside of us all and it's the one true thing that we are guaranteed if we allow it to manifest. At some point we have to decide whether we want to allow the love within us to be masked with the negativity that seems to overflow in our society today, or we can choose to protect this precious God given emotion with all our might.

Now...love comes at a price and it's called always maintaining respect, trust, honesty, faithfulness and caring. One things for sure, love isn't the enemy so I wish people would stop making it the "bad guy." Men have their ways and so do women, but the bottom line is we need each other.

Today take the time to appreciate the man and woman in your life. Look them in the eye and tell them you love them. If you are not good with words write it, let them know all the things that they do RIGHT, Kiss that person and make them feel like your life is complete with them in it.

Women, Sunday is Father's day, make the men in your life feel special....HAPPY FATHERS DAY!

One of my favorite quotes this week says it all: In those times we yearn to have more in our lives, we should dwell on the things we already have. In doing so, we will often find that our lives are already full to overflowing. ~Jim Stovall~

Be Blessed and have a wonderful week.

Are you HAPPY?

Happiness is a verb...

Have you ever come across a person who complains all the time, is quick to anger, constantly talks negative about other people or constantly thinks the glass is half empty, yet when you talk to them they swear they are happy? They walk around with their eyebrows furrowed, they hardly say hello, is usually self-centered, anti-social and always seems to have a grievance with someone.

Conversely, have you ever seen someone who lights up a room when they walk in? They greet everyone pleasantly with a smile, kiss or hug. Their demeanor is often very pleasant, they are quick to laugh and very considerate of others. They give of their resources or time and look for the good in people. When you look at them you get a good feeling in your heart because their actions are not contrived or forced, it just pours naturally from them....happy people usually bring out the best in others.

When someone is happy it's usually not because of their material possessions, they are not defined by titles, they don't always have fame or fortune, they are sometimes a regular person from around the way. Happiness usually comes from vast sources; a person being comfortable in their skin, self confidence (not narcissism), a sense of faith or a connection to a higher being. They come from a place of understanding that the glass is always half full and there is always good lurking around the corner.

Happiness comes in many different packages, but one things for sure, you never have to tell people how happy you are because happiness shines through your actions and behavior. This is not to say that happy people are perfect and don't get frustrated or upset, but they are usually content and their motive is never to hurt people. Happy people are rarely rude, disrespectful or mean spirited because happiness brings out the best in people, not the worst.

So I ask you today, Are you happy?

Have a wonderful, blessed and HAPPY Holiday weekend.

I'm having an Affair....

I have a secret to share with you, I've been having a love affair for many years now. Lucien has been suspecting something but I've been keeping my affair under wraps. This love affair has created quite a source of unhappiness and anxiety in my life. As a result, it has unraveled different aspects of my life in ways I could never imagine. Last year I had one aspect of my affair under control, but there are other aspects that I'm still fighting. However, I have finally decided I don't want to be in an unhealthy situation any longer so I've decided tonight that I'm getting my act together and finally letting go of bread, rice and pasta. Sugar was a big fight for me, but I finally let him go last December and now I can see sugar and I have very little emotions toward him.

These nemesis have been with me for quite a while, but now it's time to let them go even though my heart aches. I'm so used to them, but when I put on my jeans and dresses, the havoc that they are wreaking on my thighs and waistline is not worth the wonderful taste and comfort that it gives my stomach. I sometimes think about bread and how great he tastes after i spread butter over his warm, moist body...there is just nothing like it; but over time, I realized that bread has no love for me. All he wants to do is sit on my hips and thighs and create all sorts of bulges and dimples that I don't deserve to have.

Yes, i'm ending my affair because I deserve better and I just wanted to let you all know so I will have accountability. If you see me slipping up and reaching out for bread, rice or pasta, please remind me that they are my enemy. Sometimes when we are in an abusive situation it's very easy to revert back to negative sources. I'm sure I can count on all of you to have my back.

If at any time you see bread, rice or pasta around me, please call an intervention. I would suggest reaching out to my reinforcement team, veggies, fruit and whole grain. They are always there on the sidelines ready to take action when called to duty.

These past few years have been hard for me, but after looking around, i realized that when you stay in bad relationships they manifest and that manifestation can lead to things that can eventually cause death. Bread, Rice and Pasta can assist in diminishing your health and some of the consequence of staying in this affair can lead to: diabetes, hypertension, excess weight gain, cellulite, belly fat, constipation and the list goes on and on.

So my advice to you is, if you have been having a secret affair with the above, follow my lead and let go of anything unhealthy. I love my body and i want to be healthy for my family and friends and even more importantly my husband and my cute doggie Sketch.

Be healthy and take care of your body. Diabetes is one of the top killers in our society, cutting back on unrefined carbs and sugar can make a big difference in your life. Come on everyone, lets end these affairs! Make this week a lean protein, fruit, veggie and healthy whole grain week!

Peace and Blessings to you all!

A new year is dawning

I've been encouraged by many to start a blog. Blogs are a great way to share with the people you care about and anyone who just wants to receive and share information. I hope this blog will serve as inspiration and enlightenment to whomever that reads it. I hope and pray that 2009 will be a year of great prosperity for everyone.

As we draw closer to 2009, I wanted to reflect back on 2008 a bit.

The presidential election was one of the most exciting times in history. For the first time ever (in my lifetime), I saw people of all ethnicities coming together for a common goal and the result is we now have an African American as our President...President Barack Obama! Even more, the power that Mrs. Michelle Obama and their children will bring to the white house is priceless! I feel so blessed and fortunate to experience a time like this in our history. This occurrence alone makes 2008 one of the best years in our lifetime! Sure there were hard times, the economy sucks and people are losing their jobs. The good news...those things are cyclical and temporary and I have no doubt the market will bounce back. However, a Black man becoming president is something we will all cherish for a lifetime!

Many of us have also experienced personal tragedies, losses and upsets and many of us have seen a year filled with hope, promise and prosperity, this is the natural rotation of life and we ALL have a balance of good and bad moments. Every year isn't going to be a great year for everyone, but I will say this, your outlook on life determines what kind of year you will have. I like to learn from my experiences and I'm always working on getting better. Every year of my life is cherished because the good and bad make me who i am and I wouldn't want to change that for anything. Every year I try to extend my reach a bit further and challenge myself a bit more. If at any point i failed to accomplish something, I continue to re-evaluate my goals and dreams and carry them over until they are accomplished. Some goals you have to let go and add new ones and some goals will take longer than a year, so be patient with yourself.

Going forward into 2009, it can be a year of prosperity for all if we are willing to stay positive and put in the work it takes to become successful! However, as I've said before, success isn't just material, financial or having what some will consider a "good job." Success has to do more with the energy that you give people, the friends lives that you light up, your willingness to give and help others and the respect and admiration you get from others b/c of the good person that you are.

If you walk around being negative, unpleasant and cutting, it's going to be very hard for people to gravitate toward you. If that is an area you are lacking in, maybe it's something you can work on in the coming year! Success means absolutely nothing if you don't have friends and family that wants to share in your joy. Sometimes it helps to take the focus off of self and put your focus into something of a worthy cause. Recently when I went to New Orleans to volunteer my time, it was one of the most invigorating things I've done in a long time and something i plan to continue to do!

Decide to make 2009 your year. Plan accordingly. Work out a budget and try to stick to it, write out your goals and plans, you will see that writing them and looking at them often will help keep you on track. Wish others well, it only benefits you and remember whatever you put out to others is what you get back. Try not to be too quick to judge because you never know what is behind a person's actions and you never know when you will be in a similar situation. Life has a way of throwing curve balls, so stay humble if you are enjoying a time of good fortune...NOTHING is guaranteed!

With that, I want to wish you and your family a very prosperous, healthy and productive 2009! Celebrate with your loved ones, pray often and have gratitude for all your blessings.

Peace, Love and Blessings!